...gonna kick the darkness 'till it bleeds daylight... musings of a hungarian in texas

©2003 by Annamaria Kovacs. All contents of this blog are the property of the author. Use with written permission only.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Why am I Not Writing about Serious Stuff?

I was browsing through my usual blogroll this morning, when it struck me: a lot of my friends (some of whom I actually never met in life, how weird)...are writing about heart-wrenchingly serious stuff, some of which I cannot even fathom (either not having experienced the type of situation, or simply not having the upbringing/education to get it)--and here is the little green blog of The Bunny, writing about shopping trips to Vienna, tisane recipes and the tragedy of losing a cat...In retrospect, this is rather pitiful. So here I am, working in an office as a secretary with my two MAs and a PhD, living the suburban middle-class American lifestyle I've so often seen in movies (two cars on the driveway, chatting with the postman, working in the yard on weekends, carrying groceries through the garage door into the kitchen with the oversize fridge etc.)... but what is it really all about? How come my husband is writing these incredibly long and involved essays on his blog about politics, martial arts, science AND love poems, and all I can sqeeze out of myself is a stew recipe? And why the hell this guy is hanging out with me?

It might be because I am just much more shy about expressing myself naturally--in that case, blogging is actually not very good for me. I never was much of a diary-writer either--I had one while my husband (at that time fiance) was back Stateside and I was still in Hungary, to record stuff and to keep me sane in a difficult family situation...but I abandoned it at the end, because even there I could not really express my deepest felings, which, after all, would have been the main reason to keep it anyway. It became the chronicle of little events through the day-which is what this blog is rapidly becoming here...
I don't know. I might be too introverted for this whole thing--in which case I either stop blogging, or make the effort of doing something about it. I would rather choose to stay and fight...which is why this post was born, I guess. I learned some important things while in the US: you either whine or do something about it...but the sharp difference between the situation of my country and the US is that we are whiners, the American are doers. Sometimes, it would be nice to exchange ideas between the two, though--hey, maybe that's why my marriage works so well? Need to write a Modest Proposal to the two governments. Americans, learn to express/ and whine--Hungarians, for pity's sake, learn to do something about the thorn in your side!


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